Gettin Arab Money?

DJ Southanbred sheds a little light on the dynamic between Soulja Boy and his sidekick, the cryptically named Arab. Apparently Soulja Boy has been letting the dollars get between him and his homey.
This summer when Touch and I went to do some picture taking at Hot 107.9's Birthday Bash, we scoped Arab playing the back while Soulja Boy went through the press junket. Now I've been around long enough to recognize envy in a person's eyes. The way Arab was looking at Soulja Boy is the way I remember looking at this Jewish girl at her Bat Mitzvah: Trying to put on a "I'm happy for you" smile but just not able to hide the "What did you do to deserve this that I didn't?" pout.



Poor guy. Arab, if you're reading this, I got one word for you: Embezzlement.

I'd just like to take a moment, on this lovely Sunday afternoon, to reflect on one of the crunkest moments of my life thus far:



I can't remember ever being more hyped about something I saw on TV. That right there brings back some fond memories. The funniest part is Brian Adams grabbing the Giant by the hair, holding him back. Knowing that it's all an act suddenly makes that gesture a lot more bizarre to me. Also, how tight was the Wolfpack song?

Don't turn your back on the Wolfpack
You might end up in a body bag

Heat.

Bonus - Newborn Rodeo teaches you how to do the Birdwalk. How long before Crank Dat becomes the new Electric Slide?

Futuristic Swag

This fuckin awesome dude restored a Back to the Future hoverbeemer to its original movie condition. Next step: hover pods, mothafucka.


Also on his futuristic swag (as always) is Dizzee Rascal, with his new single "Dance Wiv Me". You might recognize it from last Sunday's Entourage. Every show should have a section of their website dedicated to listing the songs they play.

Also today, the best story Fox News ever ran.

z-trippin

coppin' Z's

I found a crucial link to DJ Z-trip's classic 1999 mash-up album Uneasy Listening. This is really a treat. The site also has links to some of his other shit, but the bread and butter is the four part monster that lurks a quarter of the way down the page. ENJOY.

New beat by DJ Tanner (snippet)

Here's a quick peek at an instrumental I cooked up the other day. It's just a straight up loop of a sample from "Don't Wanna Hurt You" by The Sounds. You might recognize it from the Geico commercial. Expect a full track with some special verses sometime soon.

Holy Shit

I'll let the picture and article speak for itself.

Panoramic View

Here's the new mixtape from my man Jdown. It's free so spread it around, burn it, play it at parties, in your car, with your auntie at Thanksgiving, whatever. Here's a link.

Breaking: Crazy bitch tries to handcuff Karl Rove

Right on, crazy bitch, right on.

SAN FRANCISCO—A protester confronted former Bush administration aide Karl Rove while he spoke at a San Francisco mortgage bankers' meeting and tried to handcuff him in what she called a citizen's arrest for "treason."

Rove, who was speaking Tuesday at the Mortgage Bankers Association's annual convention, elbowed the woman away as she was escorted off the stage.

San Francisco police say they have no information about the incident.

Rove appeared with former Democratic Sen. George Mitchell. The two men discussed the mortgage crisis and the 2008 presidential campaign.

Rove served as Deputy Chief of Staff and Senior Adviser to President Bush.

Link

Terry Tate on Sarah Palin

America the Great: Fucking and Bombing

The Viceroy is a guest columnist who enjoys studying history, old school video games, and underwater basketweaving.

A Storyville Whore

I live the college lifestyle. Bud, Booze, Gaming, Sleeping, Fucking. And then there's midterms. It's midterm season- I've got crazy classes; we’re talking human sexuality, marketing, advertising, and a class (I shit you not) on Log Cabin building. I also assist people in writing papers for cash on the side. This will be the culling of all the vainglorious shitsplatters of intellect that I have gathered over the last two weeks. So without further ado, fucking and bombing.

Fucking

The population of New York in the early 1800s was about 60,000. The crazy influx of immigrants in the early stages of the 19^th century brought about a huge increase in population size. The ten largest cities in America at the turn of the 19^th century combined had less than 200,000 people in them. The entire nation in 1801 had only 5,000,000 people with less than 10% living in cities. By 1901 there were 77,000,000 people with 60% living in cities. Keep in mind this is the Victorian Era of America. Sex is something that is only to be done in the home with the wife in missionary position strictly for procreation- a load of fun. So check this, between 5 and 10% of all young women in cities were involved in prostitution. Weird time. In the supposedly most morally rigid time period of American history (the ideas associated with Puritanism are misnomered. These moral ideals are more appropriately called Victorian. Queen Victoria was a frigid cunt and reigned for 60 years) over half of working age men had engaged with sex with a prostitute. Not only was America becoming sexually “corrupt” it was being more and more devious. Ever need affirmation that the French are a bunch of cocksuckers? In 19^th century America getting a blow job from a prostitute was as simple as finding a “French massage”.

Shit, it just gets worse (or better depending on your stance.) In the beginning of 1933 only 10% of the requests of whores were for sex acts other than intercourse. By the 1960s, 90% were requests for head or sex +dome. Fucking gnarly huh? Check out this gravestone from a 19^th century whore in Colorado:

Here Lies Charlotte

She was a harlot

For 15 years she preserved here virginity

A damn good record for this vicinity.

During this time period, New Orleans was overrun by Storyville, basically the French Quarter on steroids, crack, and a mean case of gonorrhea (the STI of choice back then). One book describes New Orleans in 1890 as a “massive, municipal gumbo of sexual excess”. Not much has changed, eh?

As we approach the beginning of the 20^th century this motherfucker Comstock comes along. He’s got this big moral agenda going on and bans the sale or distribution of contraceptives in the United States- furthermore he is asserting that masturbation drives men crazy and that sex is an obscene thing. Anyway, the point is these laws didn’t get repealed until the 1970s!

Bombing

So now lets talk Cold War. This shit starts because the Russians are thinking that the Americans and British are trying to make them bear the brunt of the Nazi war machine. By the end of WWII the Americans have cracked the Russian cipher and are beginning to discover leaks within the government and spies operating within the US border. The Venona Transcripts. Meanwhile, the soldiers are coming back from the war and everybody is fucking like crazy.

Fat Man and Little Boy. The two nukes we dumped on Japan. These are atomic bombs. In 1947 our scientists (Openheimer, Einstein and the like) predict that Russia will achieve nuclear status in 5 years. Truman, the president at the time, doesn’t think they will ever achieve nuclear status. Meanwhile, you’ve got this rogue scientist, Teller, saying that he has a theory for creating a bomb that uses Fusion instead of Fission- which in theory would create exponentially larger explosions. Well, then 1949 rolls around and BOOM, an American recon plane detects the fallout of a nuclear testing in Russia.

Truman shits himself then establishes the Truman Doctrine saying that the US will support any nation that is threatened by communism. Truman also approves funding for Teller’s fusion bomb. Think hydrogen bomb, thermonuclear device. The US tests a thermonuke in 1950 on the Bikini atoll. Motherfucker kills all the inhabitants of an island presumed outside its blast range and kills all the inhabitants of a even more remote island in less than 10 yrs from radiation poisoning. Nuclear fallout floats over the continent. The government tells us no one has been or will be exposed to a harmful amount of radiation. Blatant lies.

Anyway… Eisenhower gets elected in 1952 in a landslide. Basically he was running on the same core message as McCain- a strong military leader- but he (Eisenhower) was a confident and persuasive orator, raping the political battlefield as opposed to McCain who is being raped worse than Indiana Jones. McCarthyism is getting really revved up around now.. . and remember we still can’t sell or advertise for condoms and sexual abstinence is the social more. What is more communist than discouraging people from having sex, especially in a time of nationwide panic?

Anywho, the Russians launch Sputnik and fuck our shit up, then we realize that our Propeller planes arent going to stand a chance against the Russian jet MiGs. Fuck. Increase defense budget again. It is in this period that we see the first billion dollar defense budget. We get jet engines. Eisenhower gets elected again. Then… fuck. South Korea gets invaded by North Korea communist aggressors, the USSR is eating up eastern bloc countries establishing puppet regimes, the Communist party in China kicks all the nationalists into Taiwan. And Eisenhower is sitting on his thumbs staring at the Truman doctrine and his Thermonuclear launch codes.

Essentially our plan at this point is akin to that of when kids put a hand over their face and cross their arms through it to fight. We sit at home and hide behind our H-bombs and throw money, guns, and troops at the terrorists… ahem… communists.

Blah blah blah… 1960. Stalin is dead and the new Russian president, Khrushchev, demands the US’s head… but is optimistic about peace. JFK enters office just in time to deal with the crisis in Cuba. Blah blah blah Vietnam.

I conclude with this: In the 1940s-1960s we were fighting two wars. One against an aggressive political party (the Stalin/Lenin communists) engaging in espionage and nuclear research. The second was for an obscure ideal- that every nation deserves freedom (which basically boils down to just interventionism due to paranoia) and that communism isn't free! This stance got us backed into a true military war that we could not win (Vietnam) because we had stretched our forces and funding thin on battling the ideals in Korea, China, Eastern Europe and Africa. A military and economic strategy that has been employed during the last 8 years and which John McCain will continue. In this writer’s opinion, we cannot financially afford the social initiatives that Obama is supporting, however, we cannot socially afford the military initiatives that McCain is supporting.

Tl;Dr- The populace is more interested in stacking paper and bumping uglies than fighitng wars for American Idealism. Besides most of us are so disenfranchised at this point (1965 and 2008) that we could give less than a fuck if Kyrgzkitstan has a puppet democracy.

Fade in

Hipster chicks: impossible to talk to

The Fader issue 57 release party was this week at NYC hipster bar Heathers. Free beer from bass ale and live music from XXXchange (Of Spankrock) made the night a memorable one. I dig free beer so hard, man. Definitely be sure to check out the new issue, or peruse the mag site, it's undoubtedly one of the best in the industry. Big ups to Felipe and Julianne--let me get some play!! the whole story.. .

Speaking of Cudi...

He rips the chonkyfire instumental.

I'll see you up there

I try not to just steal shit outright from other blogs, but I had to put this up. Jim Jones checks in with Kid Cudi and lets his thoughts out on the track. It's more like rhyming spoken word, but I gotta admit it's hot. It doesn't hurt that the original track is so fuckin sick.

Jim Jones and Kid Cudi - Day N Nite (Remix)

By mandate of Xenu, say no to drugs

Y'all might have seen one or more of these PSAs on television recently. They're hilarious, and there's one for every drug in the book. What they don't tell you is that drugfreeworld.org is funded entirely by the church of scientology. All of these are priceless, but be sure not to miss cocaine or glue-sniffing, they're instant classics. Enjoy these cautionary tales, and take heed of the horrors of drug use. May Xenu's light shine upon you.

Your favorite rapper's favorite rapper

I don't usually fuck with the VH1 Hip Hop Honors but I thought this feature on their website was cool: rappers discussing the impact other rappers had on them. For example, Big Boi on Too $hort:

My uncles were in the military so they used to get stuff from all around the world. I remember my uncles came back with Too $hort. They were my idols and I used to love what they were doing. Being in the military, they were still some street cats, too. My Uncle Trick and I just thought [Too $hort’s music] was the most fascinating thing ever, [raps] “Cuss words, just let ‘em flow, motherf*ck*n' sh*t b*tch god damn *ssh*l*.” It was the most filthiest mouth I ever heard. I was only like 10 years old, but I was like, “Okay, I’m f*ck*ng with him.” That’s what brought me and Dre [André 3000] together, our taste in music. We was and still are on Too $hort. We liked everything from Tribe to Leaders of the New School. [My favorite Too $hort album] gotta be that Life Is … Too $hort because it was the hardest one. That was the first one that I got introduced to. The beats and all the sh*t he was talkin’ about was for real from the whole Bay Area and how he came up. He was just so cool, like, “Damn, that’s a motherf*ck*r that I want a ride home from school with.” That’s an O.G. cat that’ll sit there and smoke a j with you and say some new sh*t.

Devin the Dude on Slick Rick
DJ Drama on De La Soul
Killer Mike on Cypress Hill
Joe Budden on Naughty By Nature

New shit from Jdown - This Is My Flow (Luchini Freestyle)

Railin' Demon Palin

I’ve recently come to two conclusions about potential future vice president Sarah Palin. The first is that I believe her to be the beast prophecized about in the book of revelation, the unholy one, the destroyer. The second thing I’ve decided is that despite the fact that she may be the harbinger of the end times, I’d still totally let her soak it up. It’s kind of like that Roman Polanski movie, The 9^th Gate where Johnny Depp Bangs the devil in chick form as he rides through the gates of Hell, only slightly less attractive and twice as bespectacled. Call me crazy but if the devil isn’t your number one lay, she’s got to at least make the top 5.

The main reason I think that Governor Palin is the daughter of perdition is because I’m mildly obsessed with the apocalypse. Some of my favorite books, Stephen King’s The Stand, Cormac McCarthy’s The Road, Don DeLillo’s White Noise, are set in the end times or post apocalyptic America. Mel Gibson’s Apocalypto is my favorite Mel Gibson film. I know it doesn’t really have to deal with the apocalypse and I know you liked Braveheart better but Jaguar Paw would straight up murder William Wallace and then eat his vital organs and that’s a fact. The illest drawings I’ve done are always about the end of the world. The majority of my daydreams and fantasies concern the end of days and how I’m gonna make it through, nothing but my killer instinct and a few modest supplies. A nomad warrior of the ruined plain. A man without a home or a past, trusting no one, taking no prisoners, killing when necessary and searching for a shred of hope in a destitute time, a hardened shell of my former self. I’ll be the first to admit that there’s truly not much logic in my argument, but that doesn’t make it less cool to think about.

The reason I’d let Sarah Palin wax the d is because I think she’s kind of hot. A good looking middle aged woman in a politically significant position of power…I’ve got chubs. Nine out of ten major dudes agree that they would hit it like the closed fist of an angry god, again: facts. Add that to the postulate that she may be Satan incarnate on a path of worldly and spiritual destruction, and you have one of the most significant copulations of all time, second, perhaps, only to the time that god discreetly boned mary.

I looked online to see if I could find any hard evidence correlating Palin to the Antichrist and I found some interesting stuff. At once compelling and easily dismissable from a rational standpoint, but again, I dig this shit so let me have fun with it. Check out this passage from Revelation 14:9-11 "And the third angel followed them, saying with a loud voice, If any man worship the beast and his image, and receive A PLAIN RASH in his forehead, or in his hand, The same shall drink of the wine of the wrath of God, which is poured out without mixture into the cup of his indignation.” Note the words “a plain rash.” Now rearrange the letters. Oh shit—Sarah Palin. Weird, right?

Now check this, here’s a quote from Revelation 13:18-"This calls for wisdom: let anyone with understanding calculate the number of the beast, for it is the number of a person. Its number is six hundred sixty-six." According to my assuredly unqualified internet source, the "wisdom" referred to by the Apostle John in the passage is the system of Hebrew gematria, or numerology, as follows: Take the words Sarah Palin (שרה פאלן), Sarah(שרה) = Shin, Reysh, Hey and Palin (פאלן) = Pey, Aleph, Lamedh, Nun. Now,
the Hebrew gematria values of these letters using the standard Mispar gadol system (which I have virtually no working knowledge of and am completely taking the internet’s word for) are: Shin= 300, Reysh= 200, Hey= 5, Pey= 80, Aleph= 1, Lamedh= 30, Nun= 50. Now take the sum of all these numbers for some reason and what do you know? 666, the mark of the motherfucking beast.

So now that we’ve inarguably established Sarah Palin as the idol shepardess, we have to figure out a way for me to get a crack at that. She’s obviously not gonna fall for any kind of big sausage pizza scheme so I’m gonna have to get a little creative on this one. I think I’ll take the Depp approach. Since I’m a handsome biblical scholar and the only one with the knowledge that she is the dark princess, she’ll be aware of my existence. Like with any metaphysical force of supreme intelligence and evil intent, she’ll naturally know I know and she’ll most likely summon me to her dark court for judgement. It is there on the profane alter of human suffering that my dashing “joe-sixpack” appeal will, at the very last moment, cause the one shred of grown, sexy female in her to want to not only spare my life, but take me upon the evil tabernacle and perform the hottest acts of unholy coitus in front of her orclike, mouthbreathing minions. When we’re through (she came twice), she’ll name me her second in command and together we’ll usher in a reign of darkness over the earth until one man, even more handsome and headstrong than I, can finally summon the courage within himself to do what he must to save what’s left of humanity, even if it means sacrificing himself. He will be a noble man indeed.

Mayday, mayday!

Here's a forgotten classic from the best year hip hop ever saw, 1994. Natural Elements EP. You might remember these dudes from "Mayday" off the first Lyricists Lounge album. A-Butta was also on "Keep Pourin" from the same album (my favorite track from it actually).

Taken from On High Hills.

You ain't talkin money? I can't hear ya

Today I attended a panel discussion on the economic crisis here at the University of Georgia. Three guys who were MBA professors of Real Estate and Finance were on the panel. They each gave their takes on what is happening, why it's happening, and what will happen in the future.

The overarching assertion was that regulation, not deregulation, had led to the subprime mortgage meltdown which in turn fucked up the credit markets on Wall Street. Their reasoning was that raising reserve requirements for investment banks - a form of regulation - had the effect of creating an incentive for investors to manufacture exotic, complex, and invaluable (as in unable to be valued) securities. These new, confusing securities would be given great credit ratings (by companies who are paid to rate them. Conflict of interest?) and therefore make the company or investor's assets look bigger and/or more solid. Inevitably, these securities, which had dubious substance and were made specifically to get around rules, would default, leaving the credit vacuum that has everybody's assholes clenched today. To me, saying that regulation creates incentives for investors to find loopholes and dodge the rules is the same as saying police enforcement creates incentives for criminals to be more crafty. Of course it does, dipshit. But does that mean we shouldn't enforce laws? To take away these incentives through deregulation would only mean that investors wouldn't have to put a new-fangled spin on their derivatives hustling, they could just do it openly.

They also criticized the Community Reinvestment Act and said that it pressured lenders to make risky loans to unqualified lendees. They described it, with noticeable cynicism, as "one of those social programs".

My question to them was this: As opponents of regulation, what is your response to those who claim that Bush-era deregulation, like the Commodities Futures Modernization Act, worsened the crisis by letting investment banks and commercial banks get in bed together? And has the resulting proliferation of Credit Default Swaps also created incentive for firms to overspeculate? Has this been more or less harmful than the effect of the Community Reinvestment Act?

Their answers basically were that society needs to stop pressuring people to buy homes. An exact quote, "What's so great about buying a home? People who live in an apartment get the same benefits." I gave the man enough credit to assume he was talking about the idea that many people are better off renting and putting money into business equity, rather than home equity. But not everyone can be a business owner. Home equity is the only way most wage-earners have to accumulate wealth and assure that they have some money to rely on for retirement, emergencies, etc.

They also said that people need to learn to better protect themselves and not fall victim to predatory lending or Wall Street shenanigans. This is what pissed me off bad. These guys act like everyone has an education in finance. When the average person is told they are getting a certain APR on a mortgage, what choice do they have but to take the lender's word for it? They may not trust the lender, but the vast majority of people do not know how to compute equivalent annual rates, they don't know what a balloon payment is. That's just on the mortgage side. On the finance side, to tell people not to fall victim to Wall Street hijinks is just ridiculous. How are you supposed to protect yourself from Wall Street when your pension is being gambled? The average person who has built up a pension or retirement has virtually no say in how their pension fund is traded, leaving them at the mercy of the investors handling it. What is the person supposed to do? Quit their job? Ask to cash out their retirement savings? That is scary shit.

The openly libertarian panel went on to say that we had to completely deregulate. No government involved in the market. This would cause lots of pain and innocent suffering in the short run, they said, but it would eventually cause the market to restore itself. Fuck you, dudes. Fuck you and your market. The government, TO WHOM WE PAY TAXES, has the obligation to protect the PEOPLE. If we let the market hit rock bottom, maybe it will eventually climb back to where it was. Home values will become real and not inflated. Sure, sure, I understand that. But think about the real-life implications of letting everyone's savings disappear, letting portfolios vanish and mortgages default on an epic scale. There would be widespread poverty, leading to chaos. The crime rate would skyrocket. Old people would be at the mercy of their children to take care of them. Low-rent apartments and projects would be overrun. The lack of credit would mean that only the upper class could own homes. Public schools would become even more overrun. A 0% reserve requirement would mean that banks would just be taking your money, with nothing to guarantee that it would be safe. Your bank account would therefore effectively become a security. Remember the Chris Rock joke about white people's reactions to being broke? "How did this happen?!? I'm WHITE!!". Yeah, that's pretty much the reaction we would see nationwide.

That's my fundamental objection to libertarianism. Listening to a Libertarian talk about economics is like being in a Macroeconomics class. It's all conceptual and based on the idea that people are rational and know best. While I agree that people are rational and know best, there is also the fact that people are dishonest and will exploit any avenue they can for gain. People do, in fact, need to be protected from themselves and others, financially and otherwise. In the libertarian's world, people and firms wouldn't spend or loan beyond their means. But they do.

Anyways, I put in my early vote for Barack on Monday. I will respond to any discussion in the comments of this post, if anyone would like to talk or debate.

When conversations get twisted and the truth gets lost yall...

Earlier this year we found out that Devin the Dude would not be renewing his contract with his label of 15 years, Rap A Lot Records. According to Devin,

"Rap-A-Lot has been my family for a long time and there’s no bad blood at all."

It seems the love doesn't go both ways. J Prince's notorious griminess has left a lasting legacy, and it seems that they are trying to stick it to the Dude for jumping ship. Today marked the release of Devin's newest album, Landing Gear. It also marks the release of "Hi Life", which is basically a compilation of some of Devin's older work. The crucial difference is that Hi Life is being released under the Rap A Lot label, and you can bet that Devin isn't seeing a dime. If he is, it's still incredibly trife of Rap A Lot to drop it on the same day as his real album, which will no doubt cannibalize his sales. Dude fans, here's what I suggest: Buy Landing Gear and support your boy. In the meantime, download Hi Life. Don't let this shady industry shit ruin the man's shine.

http://www.linkbucks.com/link/4214099e
http://www.linkbucks.com/link/d6c6c9a3

Just a Gigolo

I came home today to a dope surprise. Ovation TV was airing an incredible documentary on the legendary jazz pianist Thelonious Monk. It's from 1988 and it's called, "Straight, No Chaser". It will be re-airing at 6pm EST. For those of you who missed it, be sure to do some exploration into the works of this troubled genius. I promise you, digesting his music is incredibly satisfying.





Netflix Link

Recession?

R-E-U-P- G-A-N-G! Scott Storch is a fool for this one.

Que trágico...

Horrible, horrible news has come today. One of North Atlanta's most delicious and atmospheric restaurants, Havana, has suffered a seriously damaging fire. Apparently it will not be making a recovery. I have been going down there regularly since my homey Sean turned me on to the place in high school. As you can infer from the name, it was a Cuban restaurant. Their Cuban sandwich combo with the spicy black bean soup rocked my world every time. This summer, I would go there almost every week. The smells, the tastes, the whole feel of the place was the perfect remedy for my white-collar blues. Burn one and roll on down Buford Highway to get my exotic munch on. I wouldn't have survived my shitty internship without the place. Seriously, I'm starting to feel tears coming. My heart goes out to the workers and especially the owner, whose lament is conveyed in this article. R.I.P.

Jared Swilley of Black Lips Fights for Women's Rights, kind of

photos: Dan Monick

It’s no secret that the Black Lips are a destructive bunch. The Atlanta bred, blues-tinged garage band once held a party encouraging attendees to destroy the house they were performing in. It also happened to be the house where they lived. Aside from destruction, Black Lips shows are known to include just about every bodily fluid that can be dispensed at will. Combine that with the essential rock star drug and alcohol abuse, and it’s a wonder the band can make it through a show unscathed. But according to 23-year-old bassist Jared Swilley, the guys aren’t even the fighting type. It’s when a young lady’s honor is at stake that the Black Lips become the quintessential Southern gentlemen you’d never mistake them for. Currently touring to promote their latest album, the boys are too ready to continue their path of destruction and maybe even hand out a few down-home ass kickings.

“We were at South by Southwest three years ago playing a secret show in our friend’s basement and a bunch of redneck metal-head dudes showed up. We had our ex-guitarist [Jack Hines’] girlfriend on tour and another girl that we were all friends with. [The rednecks] were getting kind of rowdy and grab assin’ and they touched both of the girls’ butts. We didn’t wanna have a fight about it cause we’re not really that aggressive. I was just like, ‘Come on guys, don’t do that. Say you’re sorry.’ They were just being total dicks about it like, ‘Fuck that!’ They were calling me a white belt hipster or something over and over again. So I went over to the rest of my band and our friends, and I was telling them what happened and they’re like, ‘Which guys was it?’ I pointed at the guy and I guess he thought that I was calling him out. The night before, I had to go to the hospital because I cracked my head open, so I had 10 fresh stitches in my head. He walks up to me and slaps me right on the stitches. The second he hits me, everyone in my band, and a couple guys in the other band that were opening, all punch him at once and just take him out. He gets up covered in blood and all his friends see what’s going on. There’s like 10 of them and probably about an equal number of us, but they were way bigger than us. So we start scrappin’. This other band that we’re friends with called The Spits were [onstage] playing and they’re big guys and pretty tough and they’re kind of like our older brothers. We were like, ‘Spits, help!’ They came out and just start annihilating people. Their roadie had one of those tiny Swiss Army Knives that was like three inches long and he stabbed one of the guys right in the leg. Their drummer, who’s also a bouncer on his off time, had this guy in a grapple hold. [A redneck] spit on him or something, so he just bent all of his fingers back and I think he broke them.

“Our guitar player, Cole, is this squirrelly little guy of Columbian descent and he kept running up and getting secret shots on the big guys. We were holding one of them down and he’s like, ‘I don’t wanna fight anymore, I just wanna get one shot at that little Mexican bastard!’ At this point the girl whose house it was had already called the police. They’re leaving the house and the cops showed up right then. The girl who lived at the house was like, ‘Fuck you, assholes!’ So they said something like, ‘You fat dyke bitch!’ The cop was a fat lady, probably a lesbian, so she immediately arrested all the guys and we were all standing out in the front yard waving to them. It was pretty funny. And I hate rednecks, so that felt really good.”

Breakfast of the Gods

I want to take a moment to direct you all to this webcomic I found a couple months ago. Breakfast of the Gods is based in Ceralia - the world where all of our favorite cereal mascots live. There's an epic war taking place in Ceralia. The forces of good, led by Tony the Tiger, must stand up to the evil of Count Chocula. It's nearing completion, and it's pretty damn entertaining. You'll see a lot of familiar faces in here. If you enjoy it, be sure to bookmark it so you can follow it to the conclusion, which promises to be epic.

Eugene Mirman

Words by Timmy Yayo
Photos by Colin Michael Simmons

In a time when popular comics consistently pander to the lowest common denominator, it becomes evident that comedy needs some new life. Enter 33-year-old Russian immigrant and current Brooklynite, Eugene Mirman. Having cut his teeth on the stand-up circuit for years, he eventually landed a contract with Sub-Pop Records alongside fellow Comedian of Comedy, David Cross. Bucking the night club tradition most comics adhere to, Mirman has made a name for himself opening for rock acts such as Modest Mouse and Cake. His ridiculous videos online have cemented his position as a poster boy for web comedy and made him the face of Superdeluxe.com where he posts his ludicrous rants. A true comedy renaissance man, Mirman is featured on HBO’s Flight of the Conchords, as well as Home Movies and Lucy, Daughter of the Devil on Adult Swim. Amidst a sea of frat-boy douchbag comics, Mirman has forged a unique identity, all the while building a solid case for an insanity plea if he ever happens to catch a charge.

Is it difficult opening for bands when the crowd may not be familiar with your act?
Yes. It can be really fun ’cause you can find a totally new audience, but it’s also like a completely different level of effort and work to perform before bands when people aren’t necessarily expecting you.

How did you get involved with Flight of the Conchords? I met them years ago in New York. They brought me in and the character’s name is the same as my name but I had to audition for the role of Eugene which is funny because I had only one line. Once I auditioned for something that the character was described as a “Eugene Mirman-type” and I did not get it. In fact they didn’t even look at me for months. At some point I heard about it and then they brought me in and I was like, “What do you mean by this?” They didn’t really know.

You’ve held protests against yourself in the past, does Eugene Mirman need to be stopped? He used to need to be stopped, but now it’s not possible.

So what’s next now that nothing’s standing in your way? I’m writing a book now that’s like a fake guide for modern life. One of the next things I might do is a documentary of going to Russia for the first time. That’ll be both very exciting and sort of scary for me. I’ve never been back since I came here because I’m told it’s dangerous… and spooky.

It’s clear that you are wise in the ways of women and the horrors of marijuana, any expert advice you can give me?
Don’t smoke pot with women [laughs]…I don’t know, treat them fair. Be stern, but loving.
The funny thing is I actually don’t really smoke pot but everybody thinks that I’m high when I make everything. I’ll get e-mails that are like, “Wow, you must have been so high…” when actually it was like, 2PM and I’m just weird. That’s the story, I’m just weird. This would be the perfect time for me to have thought of a saying. You know, like, “This is the motto I live by.” Maybe, A glass of whiskey after work makes you fucktastic. Is that a good motto?

The Gashlycrumb Tinies

A couple years ago on spring break, we stopped over at my buddy's Grandma's house on the way to Destin, FL. In addition to her house being a kick-ass, 360-degree-porched, private bungalow on stilts, she had a lot of knick knacks and weird shit. One of those things was an original copy of this extremely morbid "children's" book, The Gashlycrumb Tinies. Give it a look yourself, it's worth checking out.

The Gashlycrumb Tinies (courtesy of some dude who still uses AOL)

When the Levee Breaks

I was listening to Zeppelin IV tonight and decided to look up "When the Levee Breaks" on Wikipedia. As it turns out, it's a remake of an old blues song originally by Kansas Joe McCoy (predecessors to Gnarls Barkley in using one name for a duo). Further inspection revealed this archive site with free MP3 downloads of the original song. Ah, the glory of Wikipedia...

New art by Air Max

Drew this one with skinny markers, so I didn't do anything for the sky. Upped a hi-res copy for your enjoyment.

Gettin' Blazed

Two new pairs of Blazers coming out soon that I hope will find their way into my closet.

Dark Cinder


Non-Future Cement

Pictures courtesy of NiceKicks. On the page for the Cements, they raise the question of whether the cement pattern is being over-used. If it is, I don't care. I've been in love with it ever since I saw these:

The New Yorker Endorses Obama (Despite difficulty drawing him)

Disregard the obviousness of this post's headline. In a group editorial, the editors of the New Yorker present a somber and compelling case for Obama's candidacy. I tried to read it as objectively as possible, but when I couldn't find any significant signs of bias (since it is an opinion article I was really looking for unfounded claims or bogus evidence, not direct slant), I decided to post it here. The editors seem to stand in judgment of McCain several times during the article, but the stones they throw are taken straight from the headlines.

McCain was one of the first Republicans in the Senate to support federal limits on carbon dioxide, and he has touted his own support for a less ambitious cap-and-trade program as evidence of his independence from the White House. But, as polls showed Americans growing jittery about gasoline prices, McCain apparently found it expedient in this area, too, to shift course. He took a dubious idea—lifting the federal moratorium on offshore oil drilling—and placed it at the very center of his campaign.

Check it out here.

Some new school

As you may know, Gucci is going back to jail. If you're the Mane, that's gotta take some of the wind out of your sails, especially when you just teamed up with Barack ODrama to release a long-awaited, white-hot mixtape, Gangsta Grillz: The Movie. Keep an ear out for all the shots at Jeezy. Is the beef gonna reignite? Here's the link from DatPiff.

Some old school

B.O.B. (of "Haterz" fame) has a new single out, "I'll Be In the Sky". If Gnarls Barkley's "Crazy" can sodomize the charts like it did, then this one should have some legs underneath it. If you like the song, call and request that shit on your local station.

GEORGIA
WBTS Atlanta (404) 741-0955
WVEE / V-103 Atlanta (404) 741-9833
WSTR / Star 94 Atlanta (404) 741-9400
WBTS / 95.5 The Beat Atlanta (404) 741-0955
WWQQ / Q100 Atlanta (404) 741-1005
WHTA / HOT 107.9 Atlanta (404) 741-1079
WIBB / 97.9 Macon (800) 813-8418
WFXM / Power 107 Macon (478) 745-3301
WQBT / 94.1 The Beat Savannah (912) 947-0941

NEW YORK
WHTZ / Z100 New York 1-800-242-0100
WQHT New York (800) 223-9797
WKTU New York (800) 245-1035

"These aren't the Droids we're looking for."

Marc Ecko's latest line of gear is sort of a mash of Star Wars iconography and modern "urban" styling. While that sounds like a great formula for street art, most of Marc's latest threads look like a cross between an Ed Hardy shirt and a McDonald's promotion. The diamond in the rough here is this Storm Trooper hoodie which I plan to cop as soon as I mug enough people to collect $98+s&h.